im drinking this country out of the recession.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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