So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
