All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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