i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
