have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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