puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
