Soap is not a condiment
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
