so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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