my phone needs a breathalizer
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
where am i from again
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
