so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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