The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
