Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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