Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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