Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
They are going to name an STD after you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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