That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
