I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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