You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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