the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
