This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
