separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
