so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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