is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
