He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
