Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You need a sexual gate keeper
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
