Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
