If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize