So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
