We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
