p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
