New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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