I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
