Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
