i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
