I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
