and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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