Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
