My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will be naked everywhere
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
