Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
