You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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