today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So much Jack, so little girl.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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