Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
