PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
