it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
