It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
