he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You ruined the universe
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
