The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
