I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
