So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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