His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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