I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
