The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
