i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
