Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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