But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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