Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
