you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
