you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
