I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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