Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
